But as much as i wish for the tears, i know once i start, it will be very hard to stop.
I'm dead, so dead inside. I am already a dying corpse, why fight against that and stay around?! I feel the death swallowing my heart, crushing my soul, and killing my brain. As i disappear away. Should I give in, and follow the rules of the hand that i shake with?! I am already gone, why stick around to fail once again.
If i leave, I'll be ok, I'll have all the people I've lost over the years. But they will say, ”your too young to be all gone and buried, get back out there. Hold on, we believe in you and know that you can get through anything. Trust yourself, and hold on to everyone else. You should go back and then come here later, once you've lived your whole life out."
I stand and think about all the people i miss, then i think of those I'd miss if i left. How they would cope without me. My mother, how she'd cry for me, and I wouldn't be able to help her, from where i would be. I'd watch her cry for me and it would crush my soul. My sister, my brother, my Daddy. I wouldn't be able to leave them, and i am scared that one day i will do something that i will regret. Even though I put on a bright face and say everything's fine, I'm dying inside.
My whole family, and friends are the reasons that i stay, and keep on fighting even though it is hard and almost feels impossible, like I'd be better off without all this hassle. That they would be better without this strain on the family. I wouldn't want anyone to feel like it was their fault, if i did something. It was mine, but i have to stay in control and strong and think off all the good times and everything that's to come.
I will stay around for some more, but trust me, it's so hard. I swear.
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