When i started this blog, it was more about depression and anxiety, and showing awareness for mental health. i always planned to write about how i suffer from both, but i didnt realise until now, how much my words affect others. they are strong, and meaningfully, but hard to read sometimes.
there is so much emotion in what i say, because its from my heart, and i mean every word. but i have come to realise, that my blog posts are mainly negative, and not many of them are postive ones. i mostly write about how im feeling in the moment, and things that i have been through. but then i dont talk or write about the good parts, or the reflection. i almost forget to write about what happens afterwards. what i do after i am sad, and how i carry on, working the best that i can. for some reason, they dont seem as important, as the hard times. but they are.
because, it is how i deal with my hardship and how i always come out of it, better in some ways. because i talk about it, and write, and that really helps me.
i guess, all of my life, when i ever talked about my depression, i could never figure it out. so i hope this helps a little. when i always thought about everything, it was hard. because i would get pulled back into every bad memory, and thats not good. its not healthy, not good to think like that. ill never get any better if i think like that.
id imagine a tunnel. it was always dark, and i was scared. there would be a small light at the end of the darkness, and no matter how hard i tried to get closer. nothing ever worked. i got futher away, and it crushed me. i still feel like that, many times. but i still carry on. no matter how dark i feel, or how empty i get. i know that ill always come through stronger.
and true, it will be hard, it will be a long road ahead, one that i need to follow. and i will. im just nervous i guess, and scared.
ive been back in Norfolk, a short while. and its not been great, mentally. ive had really bad days, where, truth is, its too hard to carry on. so i sleep on it, eat some food, have a shower or a hot bath. refresh, and get back infront of my laptop, and write.
if i can walk into my family home, after a whole year of avoiding it. i know that i can do anything. and so can you.
so, future, for my blog.
sure, ill talk about the bad times, but ill always talk about the good parts. and how i get passed it all. i hope this helps someone, as much as i hope it helps me.
because, i have had many great times, during my 23 years on this planet. yeah, ive had bad, terribble moments. but, i dont want to think about that all the time. i would love to figure a way to get to the otherside, and see more positive in my life. and thoese lives around me.
theres two meanings of being alone.
one means that you are alone, and you make sure that you stay alone. that you dont execpt anyones help, you push away those that care about you. you isolate yourself from everything.
And believe me, ive been there. but i dont want that kind of alone. i want the kind, where yeah sure, im alone. but im still surrounded by those i love, and those that love me too.
i want to learn how to be alone and single, without feeling isolated from life.
maybe its still not quite my time, maybe theres still things that i need to figure out about myself. before i can add anyone to my mix. but, im not going to give up.
however, i need to love myself. all of me. because i am enough. i am worth so much more, than i am giving myself. i deserve to follow my dreams. and i deserve that beautiful love, even if i have to kiss a few frogs. ill get there. because i believe in myself. and i believe in you all.
so, following back to the top, when i started this blog, my intention was to make it public. put it up, for others to read. this isnt for money, or populatrity. its for something much more.
im not scared anymore, ok, i kinda am. but, isnt everyone?!
My name is Bjørk. I am 23 years old. I have been living with deppression and anxiety.
i'm recovering from abuse, bullying, manipulation, sexual abuse, and much more.
i understand if you arent ready to speak forward. but know that i am here. im not saying that i have magic powers, to make everything disapear. and you know what, i dont want them because even though i went through all that, throughout my life, i am the person that i want to be. and i wouldnt change me, for anything.
so, know that, you out there, have someone on your side. a friend, when you didnt think you had someone. someone that gets you, because ive been through it too.
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